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When we get angry at our spouse, we usually think we're trying to fix something. We want them to listen better, care more, or change their behavior. But what if our anger is actually making things worse? In James 1:19-20, God gives us a simple truth that can transform our marriages: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." This devotional will help us understand why anger feels so powerful but often leaves us feeling more frustrated than before. We'll pray together for God's wisdom to break free from anger's grip and learn better ways to connect with our spouse.
Short Devotional
Think about the last time you got really angry at your spouse. What were you actually trying to accomplish? Most of us get angry because we want our partner to understand how hurt or frustrated we feel. We think if we raise our voice or show our frustration, they'll finally "get it" and change. But here's what usually happens instead: our anger makes them defensive, they stop listening, and we end up further apart than when we started. James knew this would happen when he wrote that human anger doesn't produce the good things God wants in our relationships.
The truth is, anger promises us control but delivers chaos. When we're angry, we feel powerful and justified, like we're standing up for what's right. But anger is actually a sign that we've lost control of our emotions, our words, and our ability to solve problems. God offers us a different way through James 1:19-20: listen first, speak carefully, and stay calm. This isn't about becoming a doormat or ignoring real problems. It's about choosing tools that actually work to build the marriage God wants for us. When we follow God's pattern, we create space for real understanding and lasting change.
Let's Pray
Heavenly Father,
I come to You knowing that You see my heart and my marriage. I admit that there are times when I get angry at my spouse, and I convince myself that my anger is justified.
Help me to be honest about what I'm really trying to accomplish when I get mad. I want my spouse to understand me, to care about my feelings, and to change in ways that would make our marriage better. But I'm starting to see that my anger isn't getting me there.
Lord, James shows me that human anger doesn't produce the good things You want in my marriage.
I thank You for loving me enough to show me a better way. Thank You for being patient with me when I'm slow to listen and quick to speak. I'm grateful that You don't treat me the way I sometimes treat my spouse when I'm frustrated.
Please help me to be quick to listen to my spouse's heart, not just their words. When I feel that familiar anger rising up, remind me to pause and ask what You want me to do instead.
Give me the strength to speak slowly and thoughtfully, even when I'm upset. Help me to stay calm so that I can actually solve problems instead of just venting my frustration.
I trust that You can change my heart and my marriage.
In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen.
Journaling Prompts
Think about a recent argument with your spouse. What were you hoping to accomplish by getting angry? Did it work?
How does your anger affect your spouse's willingness to listen to you and work on problems together?
When you're angry, what do you typically say or do that you later regret? How could you handle those moments differently?
God sees your marriage and cares about every conversation you have with your spouse. He knows the struggles you face and wants to give you better tools than anger to build the relationship you both want. Remember that changing our patterns takes time and practice, but God is with you every step of the way. Continue to come back to Him in prayer, and watch how He transforms your heart and your marriage.
Until next time,
May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May He make His face shine upon you;
And be gracious to you and give you peace
God Bless!
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